Forgiveness

Tom and I recently had the misfortune of finding ourselves at the target of hurtful words from two people we love and trusted very much. It came out of no where. It was unprovoked and uncalled for. They even stooped so low as to insult our children. I can not tell you how deeply painful this was. We have been nothing but kind towards them. If we were so awful why did you come over all the time? Why did you readily babysit?

I don't really need to go in to detail about what they said (because it's completely untrue and therefore irrelevant), but basically they gave us unsolicited parenting advice (and said mean things on Facebook no less!), which they know very little about. It's much like trying to do surgery when you've only completed your undergrad. Their excuse was that they "wanted to help." But honestly, I thought everyone knew not to give advice unless it's asked for, especially if you have less knowledge than the person you are giving it to.

The bottom line is they had no right to criticize us. They haven't dealt with potty-training, bedtime battles, back-talking, picky eating, tantrums, sibling quarrels, or serious lessons in patience. And that's just to name a few! So yeah, I gotta news flash for ya, the way my 3-year acts is completely normal! I can safely say ALL my friends that have/are parented/parenting a 2 or 3 year old say all the same things. "It's so frustrating. I want to hide in the closet and scream. What am I doing wrong? They think they are in charge."

I spoke to a few family members and a couple close friends and no one, NO ONE, agreed with anything they had to say. (Yes, they are many other people who have spent lots of time around my family.) Everyone assured me my children are good, (gasp!) well-behaved even! That children go through phases of trying to see how much they can get away with and where discipline is frustrating because nothing seems to work. They all reassured me that I am a great mommy and that I am doing a wonderful job. (I can't tell you how much it hurt to question the only thing I knew I was good at!)

So where does that leave me? Do I forgive them even though they haven't apologized? Does forgiving mean that there is some truth in what they said? The answers are actually very simple. Yes, I forgive because I am forgiven. And no, just because I forgive them, therefore releasing whatever anger and bitterness they have caused, doesn't mean there is an ounce of truth to anything they said.

"The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing." ~ Shaw

And I do understand nothing. I don't know why they said what they said with such anger and hurtful words. But I still choose to forgive them. I will not be burdened by anger and bitterness in my heart. It will only continue to worsen and grow if I don't forgive and move on.

"Sincere forgiveness isn't colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don't worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time." ~ Paddison

I love this quote I found. Even though we (and several others) agree an apology is owed for insulting those dearest to my heart, I am not holding my breath. They will find out soon enough just how wrong they were when (not if) they find themselves in the exact same situation.

In the meantime, if they are reading this, then I just want to say: Even though you really hurt us, we still love you. And I forgive you for what you did and said. Someone keeps asking why he doesn't see you anymore. It breaks my heart to look in those big, blue eyes and see his hurt. I don't really know what to say to him, except I love him and I think he's a smart, amazing, wonderful, darling boy. No matter what anyone says.

Raleigh ~ 21 lbs. of Pure Sweetness

I have so much to write about our littlest guy. (Sadly a lot of it involves his horrible accident last week with a steel door, but I will write about that in a separate post.) I feel guilty because when Tennyson was our only child I would literally post about his smallest accomplishments, but poor Raleigh just hasn't had the same attention to detail. Maybe I am not as good with my time as I used to be? Anyway, here's what B.R. has been up to lately.......

Raleigh is still a snuggle bug, and he still loves to be read to, especially before nap and bed time. Sometimes I can't get him to stop bringing me books. :) I hope he keeps up that love of the written word for a long time! His favorite books involve animals and he especially loves touch-and-feel books.

Watching Tom leave for work.

Despite his sweet, quiet nature Raleigh is starting to develop a mischievous side (perhaps the by-product of an older brother?). Most of it is typical sibling stuff, like taking a toy he knows Tennyson wants. He gets this look, this little side glance, sometimes to see if we are paying attention to what he's doing. But all in all we very rarely have to fuss at him. Occasionally his feisty side will come out, but that's usually when he's overly tired and doesn't get his way.

I am thankful Raleigh is usually a very cooperative child. I say it's time to eat - he climbs in his high chair. I tell him we're going bye-bye - he runs and gets his shoes. I tell him it's time to change his poopy diaper - he gets the mat and lays down on it! I'm not kidding! He does not like to be wet or stinky!


I like this photo (below) of Raleigh because I think it reflects that sweet nature of his. It's nice when he sits and plays by himself, though if I am being honest, that doesn't happen often enough around here. Independence hasn't been an early desire like it was for his older brother. Raleigh is much more sensitive, quiet, and cautious. (Though he does like climbing on the coffee table and jumping off so we can catch him.) He also is very wary of strangers and has been known to burst into tears if someone he doesn't know tries to pick him up or touch him.



It goes without saying that with 2 boys they are into many of the same things. One of these are the love of firetrucks. Raleigh was also really excited about sitting in the fire truck at Chick-fil-A (so long as Mommy or Daddy was the one to put him in the seat)! I love his expression as he "drives" the huge fire engine. And since Tennyson loves "Jake and the Never Land Pirates" our littlest boy has taken to making pirate sounds. If you ask him what a pirate says he flings his arm out and across his chest and says "Arrrgh!" It's hilarious!


I am always amazed at what big personalities little ones can have, and Raleigh is one of those kids. He really has a funny sense of humor and loves to laugh. He lights up whatever room he is in and sometimes I just can't take my eyes off him.

Raleigh is very busy and important.

Raleigh's vocabulary is growing at a steady pace. He says 15-20 words, including "ball," "cracker," "mine," "bus," "Tens" (Tennyson), "dat" (that), "fish," "bath," "pop," "bubble," "sock" "hide," and various animal noises (cow, dog, lion, elephant). An exciting moment happened a couple months ago when we were playing Candy Land with Tennyson and Raleigh picked up a purple card and said, "Purple." We didn't even know he knew any of his colors yet!

"Say what?"

Raleigh is such a wonderfully easy child. I told Tom I'd love 10 more just like and he said, "Great! Who'd be the father?" Such a very "Tom" response. The main thing I am trying to do now is wean Raleigh. I have loved nursing this time around, but I am ready for him to give up his nightly nursing before bed (and once in the night). Honestly, I may be a little sad when that bond has ended, but sometimes Raleigh needs that little push towards independence. It's good for him, though sad for a mommy sometimes.

Tennyson ~ The Boy with Boundless Energy

If you are familiar with the movie "The Incredibles" you know that Dash likes to run, and run fast. Tennyson has taken to assuming Dash's identity and a more fitting fictional character we couldn't have chosen. Now, until recently Tennyson hadn't even seen any of the movie, but he loves his "Incredibles gah-mmies" so much that he wants to wear them all.day.long. (Seriously, even now as I type this at 3:30 in the afternoon he's STILL wearing them.) I think since the day Tennyson learned to run at the age of 13 months, or thereabouts, it seems he only stops long enough to eat and sleep, harnessing the energy so he can continue to run....everywhere.

Looking at his reflection in the front door wearing his Incredibles jammies.

I try not to let the boys watch too much t.v., and I would imagine many parents use it the way I do, to keep their children in one place and give them moment's peace to clean, do laundry, or shower. Some of his favorite shows right now are "Imagination Movers," "Handy Manny," "Jake and the Never Land Pirates," and "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse." He still likes "Curious George" and "Thomas and Friends" but he's really been into "Jake" and "Movers" lately. (We saw the Disney Junior stage show in Disney World and he LOVED it!!) It is cute to hear him sing every word along with the theme songs, whether or not they are on t.v.

I think I took this during one of our traditional Saturday
morning viewings of "Thomas & Friends".

I have to admit, I am dreading the Lego-stage, picking up all those little pieces, finding them in strange places, stepping on those tiny blocks. (Trust me, with 3 brothers I know what's to come.) Thankfully for now Tennyson is more than satisfied with his Duplos, especially his "Thomas the Tank Engine" set he's playing with below:

Some time last spring, as we were taking a walk one evening, we smelled smoke and subsequently followed it to a vacant townhouse that was on fire. And sometime around that time Tennyson fell in love with a Welsh cartoon called "Fireman Sam." Ever since then our boy has been obsessed with fires, fire trucks, firemen, fire helmets, anything and everything to do with "fiiiiiire" (as he says it). Even his construction hat is a "fire hat." In March we, along with my sister, Courtney, took the boys to Chick-fil-A where they were teaching fire safety. The boys were thrilled to get helmets and meet real firemen, but the best part was that they let the boys sit in the firetruck!!! I'm telling you, they were SO excited!!!!

Tennyson continues to amaze us with what he says. He's always had an extremely advanced vocabulary (at 20 months his vocabulary spanned more than 50 words!!), and we enjoy the really funny things he says now:

~ The other day I told Tennyson that Tom was almost home (he was stopping by the store on the way home from school) and Tennyson said, "Yep, just one more state." You can tell we had just gotten back from a road trip. (4.6.11)

~ The boys and I had just gotten back home from running errands and within 3 seconds Tennyson had removed his socks and shoes. When I exclaimed that that didn't take him long he let out an exaggerated sigh and said, "My piggie toes were about to melt." (4.8.11)

~ Tom almost always does bedtime with Tennyson while I put Raleigh down for the night. Two nights ago Tom was trying to tell Tennyson a Candy Land bedtime story and Tennyson kept interrupting with details. Tom asked, "Hey, who's telling the story?" Tennyson's response, "Well, I'm telling most of it." (4.10.11)

~ I can't remember exactly when this happened, but a month or so ago I told Tennyson I needed to wipe his hands after lunch and he giggled and said, "Not really necessary, Mommy." Haha!!

In the fall Tennyson potty-trained like a champ. Within one week he was accident free and within two he was keeping the bed dry every night! (Which he still usually does, so long as Tom and I keep tabs on his liquid intake before bedtime.) And a couple months ago we suddenly realized he didn't suck his thumb at bedtime anymore! Honestly, we're not exactly sure when he stopped but he did it without any encouragement or prodding from us. I was SO dreading potty-training and breaking him of thumb-sucking, but thankfully he did them both practically on his own! What a blessing!

And here's one last photo because he's so darn cute!

So that's pretty much the latest on Tennyson. Parenting a 3-year old turns out to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I am reassured by more experienced parents that it's normal. This is the age where they really start to see what they can get away with. Thankfully, with lots of prayers and consistency it's been a fairly smooth journey. So long as we prep Tennyson and he knows what to expect he's good to go! He's a joy to have around....and it's never boring, that's for sure!

Finishing Up 2010

Here are the last of the photos from the fall/winter of 2010. I am starting to feel a little more caught up in the blogging world, though I fear I've missed a lot of the details of daily life here in the Bates household. My goal is to stay caught up, especially for my blog readers that aren't on Facebook. :)

We went on a carriage ride at the arboretum in November.

Tennyson (3)

I was trying to get a good photo of Raleigh.....

.....and this is what I got.

Loving on each other

I think Raleigh looks suave in this photo.

Cold from being out in the snow.

One of the best purchases ever from the $1 Spot at Target - a construction hat.

The gingerbread house Tennyson and I put together one afternoon while Raleigh napped. Not too shabby.

Taken Christmas morning before opening gifts.

Tennyson sitting on his new Thomas the Tank Engine bike.

It's hard to believe 2010 is over (and I am just now getting caught up on it 3 months later). We had some highs, like my sister's wedding, and some lows, like Raleigh's scare with croup, but all in all it was a good year.

This Photo Says it ALL

You can tell exactly how this father and son feel about each just from this photo: attachment, joy, security, companionship, but most of all love. It's perfect.

Constantly Feeling Behind

When Tom went to the gym this afternoon I decided enough is enough, that I REALLY need to get caught up on the blog. It's sad. I just can't seem to find time (or remember) to post photos or even write about the daily goings on in our household. I constantly feel behind (right now the kitchen needs to be cleaned and there's always laundry to do), but I am tryyyying to not let myself get so stressed about the state of my house in the hopes of getting caught up here. I don't journal, and though I am constantly taking photos, posting them on the blog can get time consuming (due to an overloaded iPhoto). But I need to be better about keeping up with posts. I want to be able to look back and read about what our day-to-day life was with a 3 and 1 year old in the house.

I have so much to post about from the past 2 weeks. Exciting things, like Disney World!!!! And bad things, like Raleigh's injury and 14-hour ordeal at 2 hospitals on Monday night. But for now, it's late. I have been blogging and posting photos on here solid for the past 5 hours. Tomorrow I am taking Raleigh to the hand surgeon at UVA and then hopefully I'll be back at it here. Desperately trying to get caught up to April 2011. Though our days are so similar to the one before, each one is special and different and I don't want to forget any of them (well, okay, maybe some can be forgotten). I'll get photos up soon of the end of 2010 and the start to 2011. Stay tuned......

The Last to Go

My sister, Courtney, got married on November 20th, and it was exciting to celebrate the last of the Culbertson kids' weddings! Since I was a bridesmaid and Tom was on Daddy Duty we didn't really get any photos. However, here a few photos the photographer (Ruby Sky Photography) took of my sisters and I and Tom and I with Raleigh. If you are interested in seeing more, leave a comment and I'll send you the password to view all their wedding photos.

Lynley, Courtney, and I

The 4 Sisters

My sweet Raleigh and I

Tom and Raleigh (16 months)

Family Photo Shoot

One of my dearest friends, Lisa, did a family photo shoot for us in early October. To see most of the photos she took click on the link and the end of the post to view them on Facebook. Here are a few of my very favorites:














http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=221576&id=826999563&l=c784122bab

Courtney's Bridal Shower

I wanted to share some photos from my sister's bridal shower back on October 9th at Veritas Vineyard. My sister, Lynley, really did a great job planning a fun and special day for Courtney and many of her friends and family members. First we had an elegant wine tasting (where I discovered I love Port!), and then we enjoyed lunch on the veranda. Lynley also had everyone bring their favorite cookies, and the recipe, as part of the shower. The bag lunches included a gourmet sandwich (either turkey or veggie), orzo pasta salad, Route 11 chips, an apple, a chocolate truffle, and a souvenir wine glass. (For anyone that is interested the $21 tour and lunch is well worth the cost!) It was a beautiful setting and we all had a great time.

Enjoying lunch on the veranda.

The wine list

My mom and my cousin's wife playing with string and passing time.

My mom, me, Courtney, Lynley, and Dawn

The whole group