Reevaluating

Ever since I became a mother nearly three years ago almost everything in my life has changed, and most of it for the better. My full-time job is now taking care of my children. My relationship with my husband has been taken to a deeper level. My house isn't as clean and organized as it used to be. And my friendships have changed dramatically.

Lately I have been feeling forgotten by my friends - left out of social gatherings and parties. I guess it's because I haven't been around much since Raleigh's birth, and admittedly, I haven't been the best at keeping in touch. But taking care of two little ones and trying to do all the things running a household requires plus trying to earn money to make ends meet doesn't leave any time for socialization. Aside from those reasons, Raleigh is still (at 8 months old) depending solely on me for food (though secretly I don't mind a bit), so needless to say he goes everywhere with me.

Honestly, I am not sorry for putting my motherly and wifely duties first. I have to. I am the one that keeps everything running. I recognize that as an introvert I have to make a conscience effort to be social. I'd much rather be home with my little family. I am learning not to take everything so personally. Maybe they don't like me anymore because my kids are so darn cute and they are jealous? Haha! Okay, that's probably not the real reason.

A week or so ago here is how my Facebook said read "Brittany is reevaluating her friendships and trying not to take everything so personally. There are a few friends I hold most dear, that I could count on for anything. They love me no matter what and we are there for each other. I can't be all things to all people, and frankly, I'm not gonna try." Almost immediately several of my friends e-mailed me saying they knew exactly what I was going through. I appreciated that so much. It meant that I wasn't crazy or a bad person for reevaluating who my friends really were.

I do find myself relying mostly on those friends that are in the same place I am right now, home with little ones. And since my time is valuable I am realizing that I need to step away from my high-maintenance friendships. I simply can't do it all. I can't maintain a house, give my husband and sons what they need, and try to keep alive one-sided friendships.

Anyway, I just needed to get all this out. My blog is really my only outlet. And I don't know if anyone reads it, but that's what's going on with me right now. Reevaluating, yet thanking God for every blessing that keeps my life full.