Our Love Story: The Engagement & Wedding

*This is a follow-up to yesterday's post.*

Once we got engaged I went into full-on wedding planning mode! Isn't that every girl's dream? Since I knew I wasn't going to have any help from my family, I hired an awesome wedding coordinator, which was one of the best decisions. Tom and I paid for our wedding entirely by ourselves, save a little bit his parents were able to give us. (Of course, with so many daughters my parents didn't pay for my other two sisters' weddings.) But that was fine with us. Tom and I had both put ourselves through college, were self-supporting employed adults, so I think we were a little too...mature for assistance anyway. :-)

Despite the increasing dissatisfaction over our impending wedding, we were optimistic and excited about planning our life together. I would be remiss if I did not mention all the wonderful friends and church and school family that supported Tom and I 100% percent! (Another sign to us that we were in God's will. We actually approached some of those people to get their honest opinion and none of them agreed with any of the family's "concerns.") I am not going to go into what was said, what e-mails we got, who was e-mailing who and spreading untruths, and who was pressuring who into being on "their" side. It's in the past, and though we get over it and forgive, sometimes you never forget what was said and it still hurts. But what a blessing forgiveness is, especially for the forgiver. It may be the hardest thing I've ever had to do!

Tom and I did go through intense pre-martial counseling with the Sensabaughs, and a better couple we could not have chosen. Mark was the perfect person to "handle" my parents, and he was very open about meeting with them during this time. Mark saw NO reason we should not get married and was fully supportive of us, a feeling that was even more solidified after some of those meetings, because he realized very little of the ugly mess actually had anything to do with Tom! It was so great to have the insight and support of an unbiased person, one who had our best interest, both as a couple AND as individuals at heart. I joke that we wouldn't have gotten married if it hadn't been for Mark's Godly counsel and wisdom!

Yes, it was hard to shop for a wedding dress without any of my sisters or my mom there. It was disappointing none of my siblings wanted to be in our wedding. But the hardest thing of all was that my father didn't walk me down the aisle. To this day that is the only thing from the situation that still brings tears of sadness to my eyes. During one particular heated conversation with my parents a few weeks before the wedding. I told my mother that if she couldn't be supportive then not to come. That's right. I told my own mother not to come to my wedding. By far the worst day of the whole ordeal. (In the end she did come. Thank goodness the "if anyone here objects part" wasn't utilized! Hahaha!!!!)

The night before our wedding, during the rehearsal, the most wonderful thing happened. My older brother offered to walk me down the aisle! I didn't know what to say! I asked if he was serious and he said, "I don't want you to get lost." (Okay, now I am crying.) What an amazing brother! I really feel like he was my angel that day. Standing by me no matter what, when I felt like the others in my family weren't doing the same.

Despite all the drama our wedding was the most wonderful, beautiful, peace-filled day we've ever had! Only God could do that in the midst of the unseen chaos around us. We sang a few worship songs during our ceremony, praising God for how far he'd brought us. That we had finally made it to our wedding day! You'd think a bride in that situation would have been beside herself, but no. I was calm. Collected. Peaceful. Knowing that I was fully walking in God's will for my life. Never at any time during the previous months did I have a doubt that Tom was the one God chose for me. I told Tom that I often expected him to look at me and say, "You're so not worth all this. See ya." His unwavering response, "But you are worth it."

And the rest, as they say, is history. We got married that day and left the next morning for an amazing honeymoon at Disney World! How we came to be husband and wife is quite the journey, but I know it's made us stronger and the bond we share is inseperable.

Our marriage always seems to be the simpliest thing in my life. Tom's father passed away in August 2o05, in 2006 we struggled to get pregnant and went through fertility treatments, in 2007 the BEST thing happened in Tennyson joining our family, but then I lost my job. So our circumstances haven't always been the easiest. But God is faithful and because Tom and I fought so hard to get married we don't take it for granted. We know what a blessing we have in each other, and that's helped during some of those tough times.

I think the best way to finish is with the lyrics for "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield. It says EXACTLY how we felt during those long months when we were fighting so hard to get married.

Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
then commit to never leave

So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
Work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for

To some love is a word
that they can fall into.
But when they're falling out
keeping that word is hard to do

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for

Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
but demand we give our all

Love is a shelter
in a raging storm
Love is peace
in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave;
May God send angels to guard the door
No, Love is not a fight
but its something worth fighting for.

Cause I Will Fight For You
Would You Fight For Me
It's Worth Fighting For.

I am so glad we fought. And we are grateful every day that time heals wounds and we have both of our families' support. Now I can't imagine it any other way.

Our Love Story: How It All Started

*This subject has been on my mind constantly the last few days, and I felt the need to share it, not only to document (I don't journal), but also to remind myself just how far Tom and I have come. For those of you reading this that are family members, forgiveness was granted so long ago (whether or not there was an apology), so please do not think we hold any grudges. I just needed to share our story and it's impossible to do so without mentioning such a big part of what helped shape us as a couple.*

Somehow on June 12th Tom and I will have been married five years. Somehow. That doesn't just mean, "Wow, time has really flown." It means so much more. It's not like we almost didn't get married, but we certainly had a rough time getting to the altar. A lot of you reading this supported us. A lot you know some of the story. I just can't help but remember where we were five years ago today and that trying time we went through.

But here is how Our Love Story began:

Tom and I met in December 2001, in hindsight it was a not-so-sneaky attempt at my mom's matchmaking ability. He worked with her at Family Christian, a lonely bachelor from out of state, and she felt sorry for him and often invited him to family dinners. The following month I invited him to a Super Bowl party that my co-ed single's group from Covenant Presbyterian was hosting. A month or so later he moved to Harper's Ferry, and so I didn't see him again until August at the fairgrounds for the Michael W. Smith concert. My mother had given him my phone number so he could find me there. He walked by me on the bleachers and he said he needed to get back to Harper's Ferry. At that moment I felt sad he was leaving and I knew......I liked him.

Tom moved back to Harrisonburg in November 2002 to take a teaching position at Blue Ridge Christian School. We spent almost every day together over Thanksgiving break. But Sunday came and went and we didn't hang out. We both admitted later how lost we felt without the other one around. A few days later we had "the talk." I told him I wasn't interested in casual dating and if he didn't think there was a possibility of us ending up married then not to waste my time. I made it clear that he HAD to agree with me on two things 1) abortion was wrong (yes, it's that big of a deal to me!) and 2) I had to have children someday. Well, On (Sunday) December 8th he went to work at an event at Harper's Ferry and said he'd call me on the way home. I was shocked that he actually called! (To this day Tom stills thinks it's funny that I was so surprised he kept his word.) He came over that night and we officially decided to start dating. Yea!

A few months into our dating relationship things started getting tense with my family. Even though my mother essentially set Tom and I up, she suddenly decided that our 14+ year age gap was too much and did not like the fact we were now a couple. I remember when my birthday rolled around that May that things seemed to get worse for some reason. Looking back I think a lot of their feelings were based on Tom's matter-of-fact way of saying things (it's the Jersey in him), and I know he did step on a few toes. But I didn't want to marry a pansy for Heaven's sake! That's one thing that attracted me to him in the first place.

Well, the months went by. We spent time talking, getting to know each other better, taking day trips to Lexington and Harper's Ferry, discussing theology and history. In July we went to New Jersey so I could meet the fam. (Though his parents couldn't wait that long and came at the end of June). We started talking about getting married and subsequently went shopping for rings. (It was such a fun "stage" to be in!) All the while I was feeling increasingly unsupported and careful of everything I said about Tom around certain people. However, our relationship continued to blossom into exactly what we'd both been looking for. (Of course, he was looking for much longer than me. Hahaha!) Unbeknownst to me Tom bought the ring I wanted in November, the day after we saw it, but due to "circumstances" held on to it for SIX weeks! He proposed on Christmas morning (2003) and I didn't hesitate to say "YES!" His family was thrilled. My family.....not so much.